Since the first essay I've been thinking about this question: what type am I? And I'll be honest it's why I've found the Enneagram so confusing when I've taken those tests: I feel like I get random results. Sometimes I'm a 9, or a 5, or a 4, or a 3, or a 7. And there's something in all the types that feels familiar. I can see I have or had some of the disfunction that every type gravitates to.
But reading the descriptions, I'm starting to believe it's most helpful to think of myself as a 4 (with maybe a 5 wing but 3 makes sense, too). I fundamentally believe in my own specialness, and my best interactions are with people who honor my specialness in some way, whether that be because they respect me and my ideas and actions, honor my unique perspective and understanding, or give me permission to do what is denied to others. I feel best when I can let my inner nobility shine through and have it recognized by others.
And yet as much as that makes sense, when I look at the ego spiral post it's like I can see a bit of everything of myself in all the average and hell states. Perhaps that I spent so much of my life with a fully mechanized personality that had to be torn apart to just be helps explain why it's all familiar, though.
Yeah, the tests really aren't helpful. In the ~25 years I've been studying the Enneagram, I don't recall hearing EVEN ONE case of someone taking a test and going "Oh! Oh, that really helped clarify it for me!" In basically every single case it led to confusion. Unless the person already had a strong sense of their type, in which case it either confirmed their guess or made them doubt if the test was any good.
As always, the REAL test for whether you're a Four is whether that map helps you unwind your spiral. Though your case is going to be a bit different in ways I don't know how to predict! The Enneagram is a map of ego, and you've done some pretty intense stuff to your ego. I'm not sure what the interaction of those things is.
I'd be happy to help you think about all this though! I'd love to understand how to make this stuff even more effective, and to understand its limitations.
Yeah, in my case I've already done a lot of work to unwind the spiral, though I did it in a different way. But it's not totally unwound in that what I call habits of mind and what you would probably call mechanized personality still exists, though it's much weaker now and I importantly am disidentified with it. Still, understanding the Enneagram and how to keep unwinding the spiral that is me seems like a useful tool to have even if not strictly necessary.
I have an idea that the Enneagram is potentially very useful as part of Buddhist practice. In my lineage we talk a lot about the core belief. I think the Enneagram is potentially a tool for helping to both understand one's core belief and how to work with it, but I'm still learning here so not sure.
Your idea about personalities being to an extent a technique to respond to problems / stressors (well, that's how I took it) resonated with me, but the Enneagram itself seems kind of wishy-washy. Are you this? Or this? Or maybe that? My skepticism about it has actually gone up from this article series, but I should acknowledge that I haven't read all the articles thoroughly. At least with astrology, that old extispicy of the heavens, you get to look at the stars and planets and work out the geometry.
Since the first essay I've been thinking about this question: what type am I? And I'll be honest it's why I've found the Enneagram so confusing when I've taken those tests: I feel like I get random results. Sometimes I'm a 9, or a 5, or a 4, or a 3, or a 7. And there's something in all the types that feels familiar. I can see I have or had some of the disfunction that every type gravitates to.
But reading the descriptions, I'm starting to believe it's most helpful to think of myself as a 4 (with maybe a 5 wing but 3 makes sense, too). I fundamentally believe in my own specialness, and my best interactions are with people who honor my specialness in some way, whether that be because they respect me and my ideas and actions, honor my unique perspective and understanding, or give me permission to do what is denied to others. I feel best when I can let my inner nobility shine through and have it recognized by others.
And yet as much as that makes sense, when I look at the ego spiral post it's like I can see a bit of everything of myself in all the average and hell states. Perhaps that I spent so much of my life with a fully mechanized personality that had to be torn apart to just be helps explain why it's all familiar, though.
Yeah, the tests really aren't helpful. In the ~25 years I've been studying the Enneagram, I don't recall hearing EVEN ONE case of someone taking a test and going "Oh! Oh, that really helped clarify it for me!" In basically every single case it led to confusion. Unless the person already had a strong sense of their type, in which case it either confirmed their guess or made them doubt if the test was any good.
As always, the REAL test for whether you're a Four is whether that map helps you unwind your spiral. Though your case is going to be a bit different in ways I don't know how to predict! The Enneagram is a map of ego, and you've done some pretty intense stuff to your ego. I'm not sure what the interaction of those things is.
I'd be happy to help you think about all this though! I'd love to understand how to make this stuff even more effective, and to understand its limitations.
Thanks for the offer! I'm sure we'll talk soon.
Yeah, in my case I've already done a lot of work to unwind the spiral, though I did it in a different way. But it's not totally unwound in that what I call habits of mind and what you would probably call mechanized personality still exists, though it's much weaker now and I importantly am disidentified with it. Still, understanding the Enneagram and how to keep unwinding the spiral that is me seems like a useful tool to have even if not strictly necessary.
I have an idea that the Enneagram is potentially very useful as part of Buddhist practice. In my lineage we talk a lot about the core belief. I think the Enneagram is potentially a tool for helping to both understand one's core belief and how to work with it, but I'm still learning here so not sure.
Your idea about personalities being to an extent a technique to respond to problems / stressors (well, that's how I took it) resonated with me, but the Enneagram itself seems kind of wishy-washy. Are you this? Or this? Or maybe that? My skepticism about it has actually gone up from this article series, but I should acknowledge that I haven't read all the articles thoroughly. At least with astrology, that old extispicy of the heavens, you get to look at the stars and planets and work out the geometry.